Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Your tee time is at 6:27am

Barrhead, Alberta. 2009

Through the glowing, heart beating race of life there are so many things to keep us entertained. I feel like most of the world is centered around entertainment. "I can't see a meaning in all of this so entertain me until I die."

Funny faces, play pen, Little Einsteins, show and tell, video games, making out, going to the movies to make out, going for a drive just to make out, football games, golf, strippers, chess, going for a walk at an age where holding hands is equal to making out, watching TV, making funny faces to grandchildren, watching more TV, death.

Somewhere in there is golf.

According to my friend/The Internet, golf's origin is debated muchly. Like everything else, it's either from the Romans or the Chinese, though the modern game originated in Scotland. King James the 2nd banned the game because he said that it distracted people from their archery lessons. Where as Lebron James is a basketball player who took his talents to the beach.

That thing about archery made me think that there is more to the story if I were to use logic and push it back a few years. Somewhere along the line someone was sick of archery. This person was probably high class, therefore he had a lot of money and time to figure out exactly how to invent the modern game of golf. This person was more than likely a pre-enlightenment douchebag. Actually, he would probably be more famous for being the first douche than the inventor of golf if his identity were known today. No doubt that when he stepped up to the tee and would pop his collar everyone in the group would secretly roll their eyes.

"But Brett, why are you so negative towards this unknown golfer? This nameless hero, if you will?"

I don't mean to speculate, but from watching movies and reading Anna Karenina I can decipher that anyone who did anything significant back then had money. These people were usually selfish 20 to 40 something year old men who spent their time trying to steal some innocent peasant's virgin wife. Along the way they discovered things like golf and polo and all kinds of things that take time and patience to play. These guys were so rich and bored that they actually invented complicated and time consuming games to play on large areas of grass that some poor fellow needed to cut with his bare hands.

"That's an interesting theory, Brett. But where are you going with this? I've got a tee time at 6:27 tomorrow morning."

Exactly! 6:27 am. Because by 6:31 you better be down the fairway. This is another example of the European aristocratic influence on western society. The same stain is found in baseball, though I don't know how it seeped into the American pass-time. "The first pitch is at 7:05 so we should leave around... 6:22."

My caddie and me in Thailand, 2008

The point that I am not trying very hard to get to is that there is supposed to be a golf course somewhere around here. I heard that they had built it an hour or so outside of Xining but I have not heard if it is finished. The other more pertinent point is that even if this golf course does exist I do not have clubs and I am sure that playing at this course would be far too expensive for anyone to play besides the 0.05 % of the population that they built it for.

"But Brett, aren't you considered 'rich' in China? I mean, you have food to eat, right?"

Yes, we are rich. We are definitely rich here. We have an apartment and we can make food with import store products.

That being said, there is a tennis court in town that we can play at if we pay 140 yuan an hour. That is a little over $20 Canadian an hour. That is why I don't play tennis. I don't have a whole lot of hope that I will be playing golf this year either.

I was reminded of golf the other day when I was walking through our complex to our building. After walking past the stench of the giant garbage can my senses were overwhelmed by the smell of fresh cut grass. They cut the grass about once every two months. Needless to say it is an event I look forward to each and every time.


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