The Mad Scientist - A Bedtime Story for Kids.

It was the end of a long and lazy Saturday for Simon.  He'd been outside riding his bike around the block, splashing in the puddles from the rain that had fallen the night before.  After a hearty lunch of instant noodles, grilled cheese, and a big, fat pickle, Simon decided to look over his favourite hockey cards.

Browsing through the cards, he came across his favourite players:  Buddy Splunder, left winger for the Golden Turtles, Mikael Radavoyinovskiloshovic (Rad-ah-voy-in-off-ski-low-sh-vic), a tough as nails defender for the last place Clammy Spiders.  There was Dave Bucketsauce, a goalie for Simon's favourite team, The Flying Saucers.  They weren't very good, but Dave had a great glove hand and was really nice to his teammates.  After practice, the other players would often find notes of encouragement from Dave, along with some freshly baked chocolate chip brownies.

Oh, yes.  Dave was a great guy.  And for Simon, it didn't get any better than when Dave Bucketsauce was on the ice!  Simon was so sad when, a few years ago, Bucketsauce had to retire.  He had already played a long time in the league, and now he would play sometimes with other older players for fun.  Whenever those players would come to town, Simon would always get his dad to buy a ticket for him.

On the back of the cards there was often little notes about each player.  Simon would read these notes to help to get to know the players a little bit better:

• Mikael's favourite food was cheeseburgers with peanut butter and bacon jam.

• Buddy Splunder once sailed on a pirate ship across the Bermuda Triangle.  He made it through, but just barely.  The lighthouse workers found Buddy on his ship, passed out from the terrible journey.   When Buddy awoke he discovered that he was now left handed and he was fluent in Portuguese.  The language didn't help him that much at first, but a left handed left winger was just what coach Skipper LeBarge was looking for.  Buddy quickly became one of the best scorers in the league, and spent most of his summers off leading tour groups down to the remote parts of Brazil.

Simon flipped over Bucketsauce's card and soon realized, to his amazement, that he had never, ever read the back of his card.  This is what it read:

"David Pewter Bucketsauce grew up in Stony Plain, Alberta.  His favourite subject in school was Science, where he learned from the great science teacher, and former Amazing Hockey League Superstar Sandra McGarnickle.  Bucketsauce says he learned all his moves from McGarnickle, as she taught him Gym class as well."

Simon had to rub his eyes and read that again, so he did:

"David Pewter Bucketsauce grew up in Stony Plain, Alberta.  His favourite subject in school was Science, where he learned from the great science teacher, and former Amazing Hockey League Superstar Sandra McGarnickle.  Bucketsauce says he learned all his moves from McGarnickle, as she taught him Gym class as well."

Simon couldn't believe it!  Do you want to know why?  Well, there are 3 reasons why:

1.  Simon was also from Stony Plain, Alberta.  In fact, he still lived there.  

2.  Simon's Grandma was a science teacher in Stony Plain a long time ago.

3.  Simon's last name was McGarnickle.  The same as his Grandma's, whose name was Sandra.

So... Sandra McGarnickle was Simon's Grandma!  She had passed away when Simon was very young, so he didn't know her very well, but wow!  He had no idea that she played in the Amazing Hockey League.  

Simon threw his cards down and ran into the front yard to ask his mom about it.  She was outside planting some flowers.  To Simon, some of them smelled nice like roses and candy.  Others smelled like mothballs, dirty dirt, and rotting leaves with rotting leaves rotting on top of them.

"Mom, how come you never told me that Grandma was in the AHL?!"

Simon's mom smiled.  "I was wondering when you were going to figure that out.  I knew that her name was all over your hockey cards.  I'm surprised it took you this long to find it."

Simon thought for a moment.  He had so many hockey cards (at least 412) that he didn't have time to read them all; just his favourites.  "Oh, well, yeah, I guess I should have.  I can't believe it!  This is the coolest thing ever!"

Simon's mom leaned in close.  "You want to know something?  I'm pretty sure we have a box somewhere out in the garage that has a whole bunch of her stuff.  Do you want to go and see if we could find it?"

But Simon was already gone, flying around the yard and through the garage door.  Inside he stared up at the giant wall of shelves.  Simon was a pretty little guy, so it was hard to see all the way up to the top of the shelves.  He once tried climbing up them, but got scared at about the 4th shelf.  He was pretty sure there were about 1000 shelves, even though his mom knew that there were only 8.

"Okay, okay, just a sec.  Let me see here."  Simon's mom grabbed a small ladder and climbed up to see to the top of the shelves.  "Ah, yes, this looks like the right one."

She pulled out the dusty, worn out cardboard.  The handles looked too weak for her to use, so she gently cradled it under her arm as she stepped back down.

Together they carried it into the house and placed it down on the living room floor.  

Simon couldn't wait any longer.  He threw open the lid.  Dust filled the air, but only for a moment.  Inside the box, right on the top, was a worn out and faded hockey jersey.  The colours were that of the legendary Mt. Fling Slippery Frogs!  What hockey fan could ever forget that memorable goal that Frog legend Skrive Lightbulb scored to win the Championship Cup back in 1994?  Simon must have watched the clip a thousand times on the Internet.  He flipped the sweater over to reveal the number 10 and his very own last name on the top!

"Wow!  Coooooool!  Grandma was a Slippery Frog!"  Tears welled up in Simon's eyes, but just for a moment.  He felt so much pride, for his Great Grandma, and now for the #10.  Simon had always been #25, but from now on he wanted to be just like his Grandma.  

"Try it on."  His mom told him.  Simon lifted the Gold and Orange sweater over his head and pushed his arms through.  It flopped down like a dress, but Simon didn't care.  He ran to the mirror, turned around and saw his name... his number.  Wow!

"There's more in here, Simon."  He ran back to see big pile of things:  Some hockey socks, some special Slippery Frog hockey tape, complete with their trademark "Outrageous Orange" lucky checker pattern.  He found a trophy that his Grandma had won when she played Jr. Hockey in Scarlet town, playing for the Lodge Mart Vinyl Sidings.  They were named after their top sponsor, Lodge Mart, which specialized in selling Barbecues, lawn furniture, and really, really big chocolate bars.  Grandma Sandra had been the team's top rookie in 1987.

Simon also found some of his Grandma's hockey cards, one for each year that she had played.  Altogether Grandma Sandra had played from 1992-2009, a total of 17 seasons, all with the Slippery Frogs.  Wow!  

Simon was born in 2008, so she had even played when he was just a baby.  Amazing!

For the next several hours, Simon poured over his Grandma's cards, being extra careful as he turned them over to read the back.

Sandra McGarnickle • Right Wing • Slippery Frogs

1997-1998 

Goals • 28

Assists • 37

Points • 65

"When Sandra's not playing hockey, she's in the school, teaching kids about Science.  He favourite thing to teach about is bugs, and how crazy bugs are.  Her students think that she is very cool.  Her students have a nickname for her, they call her The Mad Scientist."

Sandra McGarnickle • Right Wing • Slippery Frogs

2001-2002

Goals • 37

Assists • 48

Points • 85

"This season, Sandra had the best point totals of her career.  She credits her high numbers to eating a lot of good, healthy vegetables, lots of rock climbing, and most importantly, always watching the sports highlights in the mornings before school."

Sandra McGarnickle • Right Wing • Slippery Frogs

2008-2009

Goals • 21

Assists • 24

Points • 45

"McGarnickle has decided that this will be her last season in the Amazing Hockey League.  She is looking forward to spending more time doing other things with her time, like collecting seashells, painting her garden fence like a rainbow, smelling flowers, riding her bike through puddles after it had rained the night before, and most importantly, spending some time with her new Grandson, Simon."

He couldn't believe it!  She had talked about him to the hockey card people!  His name was on the card!  He was famous!  Just like his Grandma!  Wow!

Simon also thought it was really cool that his Grandma also liked to splash through puddles after it had rained the night before.  He really, really liked that.

For a moment, sadness came over Simon.  He wished he would have been able to know his Grandma.  She had been such a cool lady, and it seems like they would have had a lot in common.  Simon wanted to talk to her, to ask her what it was like to play in the AHL, to see what it was like to play for the Slippery Frogs and even with the great Dave Bucketsau... wait a second!!!

Simon dashed through the living room, grabbed his mom's tablet, and went on to Hockeytube.  He searched up his favourite Slippery Frogs video, the game winning goal for Skrive Lightbulb.  And it was there...  How could Simon have been so blind?.... how could he have never seen it before?...

Simon pressed 'play' on the video and all at once the announcer's voice echoed throughout the room.

"The game is tied at 3 with only seconds to play.  The 1994 Championship Cup is on the line tonight.  Who will win?  The Mt. Fling Slippery Frogs or the defending Champions, the Twirly Darts of St. Luca De Boca?  

The faceoff is in the Dart's zone.  Rookie Skrive Lightbulb is out there to take the draw.  He wins it!  The puck comes back to DeLantain.  He holds it, moves it across to Buttersworth.  Buttersworth passes it back to DeLantain.  Only 4 seconds to go,  They need to get a shot here!

Yes, DeLantain lets a wrist shot go, it hits a body in front and bounces around.  The Mad Scientist get's her stick on it and pokes it through to Lightbulb, he shoots, he scores!!!!!  Frogs win!  Frogs win!  What a play by the Mad Scientist!  What a player!  What a Champion!"

Simon still couldn't believe it.  He turned to see his mother by the doorway, smiling brightly at her son learning about his amazing Grandma.

It was a long and lazy Saturday for Simon, that is, until he met the legend that is: The Mad Scientist.

Brian the Lamp - a bedtime story for kids

I've been singing, reading, and acting out all kinds of performances for my kids before bedtime.  I started singing to them about 4 years ago and through the years, though I've missed many nights, I'm pretty sure I've sang them every single song I know off by heart.  

Even The Beastie Boys' Sabotage, bleeped out where it needs to be, of course.

After the songs I started a little act with their stuffed animals and called it "Puppy Songs".  The dogs would come out and tell stories and jokes.  Kind of like a variety show, but with fake animals.  I knew the trigger, the way to get my kids to laugh.  It usually had something to do with some sort of incorrect word, or the way the puppies would fall down off of the bed 'by accident' and crawl back up as a tangled mess.  Singing Oh Canada with 'barks' and 'ruffs' instead of words is another way the puppies and I could leave the boys in stitches.

Yet, eventually our act grew a little stale.  I decided to browse the Internet for some unique and fun bedtimes stories.  We discovered Gordon Dioxide and life was good for a few weeks.  His stories are straight sideways, and my boys love them.  Unfortunately, there are only so many of them.  

I searched for more good stories like Dioxide's but came up with nothing.  I'm sure there is good stuff out there, as in free and handy on the Internet, but I also thought that I should give writing up a story a shot.

Last night I tested this story on the boys, not telling them that I wrote it, and they loved it.  In fact, Jonas seemed to be shocked and amazed that I could do such a thing.  Miles responded by immediately making up a story of his own about how his dad had wrote a bedtime story.  

Anyway, here it is.  Please read it with your kids and let me know what you think.  If you are an editor or a stickler for grammar please excuse me for the flaws.

There once was a Brian named Lamp...  Wait, that's not right.  There once was a Brain named Lump.  Wait, that's not right either!  Okay, here it is in simplest form... Brian was a lamp.  There, that makes sense.

Brian was a lamp that lived on the bedside table of Charlie's Grandma.  Charlie isn't really in this story that much.  He's a really fun guy, but he just doesn't have much to say in this one.  Maybe I'll tell a story about him later.  No, this story is all about Brian the lamp, who lives on that table I was telling you about.

Now, the thing you need to know about Charlie's Grandma is that she wasn't very well.  You know, sometimes Grandmas can get sick sometimes.  For some Grandmas, getting sick can mean a long time of resting, drinking stuff like water or ginger ale, and, of course, sleeping in their bed.  Well, since Charlie's Grandma was sick, she spent a lot of time sleeping in her bed.

This was a very wise thing to do, but the problem with this was that it left Brian in the dark.  He spent a lot of time in the dark.  And for a lamp, that's not much fun.

On one particularly sicky-sick day, Charlie's Grandma was again sleeping soundly in her bed.  I say sleeping because she was in bed, but let me tell you, she was NOT sleeping.  She tossed and turned most of the time, wiggling herself back and forth trying to get comfortable and cozy.  And when I say that she slept soundly, I mean she made a lot of sounds!  She would hack and cough every few seconds, and sneeze some achoos here and there.  All the while Brian was standing there like a silly Christmas tree in the middle of July!  Brian was not needed.  Nothing to do but nothing.

And as you might already know, doing nothing all day isn't much fun.

Brian needed to find something to do.  At one point, while he was sure Charlie's Grandma was fast asleep, Brian built up enough courage to turn his light on, just for a moment.  The darkness was interrupted by an intense beam shooting straight out of Brian's nose!

And because it was his nose, and because he hadn't used his light in a long, long time, some dust had gotten into there and he felt a big sneeze coming on!  He tried and he tried to hold back the sneezer.  His light flickered and fluttered, dancing on the far wall of the room.  The temperature seemed to go up for Brian as the light shone on and on, sizzling and fizzling inside of his head.

And finally Brian couldn't hold on any longer.  As he wiggled his way to keeping it inside, the Sneeze would have none of it.

BAAA CHOOZERS!!!

With that, Brian shot off of the table and into the air.  His cord snapped free of the wall, and down he came on the cushy carpeted floor!

His light was out, and it wasn't just from the cord being out of the wall.  No, from the looks of it things were much, much worse.  You see, laying in front of Brian was his bulb, broken into a gazillion tiny pieces.  His sneeze had twisted the bulb right out of his nose!  What a disaster!

Oh, but what about Charlie's Grandma?!

Well, it just so happens that Brian didn't even hear a wiggle or a peep coming from way up on the bed.  She was finally fast asleep.

Brian got up and shook off the dangerous bulb glass.  He had to feel around with his cord as he moved through the room in the dark.  The only thing Brian could see was a long, long crack of light coming from under the door.  He shimmied and wobbled his way to the light.

He crouched down as far as he could and peered out into the hallway.  It was a pretty normal hallway, as hallways often are.  It had some doors going into other rooms, and some nice soft carpet, and some stairs way at the end of it with a big, fat cat sleeping at the top of them and some.... wait, what did I just say?!  A Big?  Fat?  Hat?  Oh, no?!  Not a hat!  A Cat!!!

Brian had some thinking to do.  Brian thought best with his bulb, but since it was broken on the floor all he could do was think of these few things he needed to do.

#1  Clean up the bulb.  He needed a broom or a vacuum.  The vacuum was probably in the closet at the end of the hall, right next to the cat!  He also needed hands to use a broom or a vacuum, but he would worry about that later.

#2  He needed to get back up on that table.  It was high!  He would need some sort of climby thingy.  What is that thing called again?  A fladder?  Bladder?  Oh, Brian was frustrated.  Without his thinking bulb he COULD NOT think of that word.  Anyway, he needed one of those things, whatever it's called.  He also needed hands to climb up that thing, but he would worry about that later.

#3 This idea came to him while thinking of what that climby thing is called.  Brian needed to escape!  He needed a way out!  With Charlie's Grandma sick all of the time, there wasn't much use for Brian here.  Brian needed a new life.  In his new life Brian would need hands, but he would worry about that later.

The big question now was, where should he start?!

However, before Brian could decide anything, things started to happen!  He heard the squeaky, creaky noise of someone coming down the hall!

Quickly, Brian scooted and tooted his way over towards the table.  There was no time!   Brian could hear the doorknob turning!  Screeeppp (That's the sound of the door opening)  Brian dropped to the floor next to the broken bulb.  He dropped to the floor just like those toy fellows did in that toy movie.  That movie about that story about those toys...  what's it called?  Brian couldn't remember.

It was Charlie at the door!  Charlie had come to check on his Grandma.  Charlie came around the side of the bed to turn on Brian's light, but of course Brian was laying on the floor.  Charlie couldn't see this and he almost stepped right on top of Brian's face!

Well, that would have been bad.  But what was just as bad was Charlie stepped right on the broken bulb with his bare foot!  Crunchhherrs!

Owezicles and pop bottles!  Charlie shouted.  He hopped back towards the door and fell into it.  The door, however, was cracked open a little bit and Charlie fell through the doorway and onto the hallway floor.  Brian couldn't do a thing.  He just lay there, thinking of poor Charlie's foot.

Suddenly, that cat came walking by.  It nuzzled up to Charlie as he sat up, rubbing his bonked head and holding his bloody foot.  In all the commotion, something unexpected happened – Charlie's Grandma woke up!

Charlie's Grandma slowly leaned up in her bed.  She reached for Brian, who wasn't there, and when she realized this a strange, puzzled look came over her face.  She fumbled around for her glasses, put them on her face, and got up to go to the bathroom across the hall.  When she saw Charlie sitting on the floor with the blood, and the bonk, and the cat, she had to ask the most obvious question any human being has ever had to ask.

What happened to you?

Charlie got up and told his Grandma that Brian's bulb was broken and he was laying on the floor, only Charlie just called Brian the lamp since lamps and humans do not interact.  His Grandma turned on the big light in the room, and everyone squinted from this brightness, even the cat.  Even that silly cat.

Charlie's Grandma helped Charlie up, and sat him down on the bed.  Brian peaked up out of the corner of his eye to see that Charlie's foot wasn't too bloody.  Just a little bit, and it was easy enough for Charlie's Grandma to grab some band aids from the bathroom and patch him up good as new!

The next thing that happened was amazing.  It was so amazing you are going to love it.  So lovely that you are going to want to kiss it.  So kissy that you are going to want to jump up and down.  So jump up and downy that you are going to just be happy.

Here's what happened.

Charlie's Grandma picked up Brian and put him back on the bedside table while Charlie went and got the vacuum from the end of the hallway.  In no time flat, the broken bulb was all cleaned up.  Charlie also brought in a shiny new bulb for Brian.  Things were happening!  Brian's "to-do" list was being checked off left, right and centre!  The floor was clean, and he was back up on the table, and he didn't even need to use a ... ladder!  That's what it's called.  Brian's bright mind was working again, thanks to his shiny new bulb.

After everything was settled, Charlie's Grandma said that she was feeling much, much better.  She asked Charlie if he thought it would be a good idea for her to get out and get some fresh air.  Charlie agreed.  However, Charlie also wanted to make a special area downstairs in the living room for his Grandma to rest and recover a bit more.  She said that sounded delightful!

So here's what Charlie did.  He grabbed his Grandma's hand, and Brian!  Why did he grab Brian?!  Well, I'll tell ya!

Charlie took his Grandma and Brian down the stairs.  He sat his Grandma on the couch and then positioned Brian up high on the shelf next to her.  He plugged him in and turned on his bulb.  The room lit up like a sunrise!  Wow, what a light!  It turned out that Brian's new bulb was 100 watts!  That's way, way, brighter than his old 40 watter.  He was a new lamp!  New ideas, new thoughts, deeper vision for his life rushed in through the bulb and into Brian's mind.

Unicycling!  Skydiving!  World Travelling!  Cookie baking!  Brian could imagine all sorts of fun adventures he could go on.  He was invigorated with new ideas.  New ways to live.  Adventure was just around the corner.  His new bulb shone down on the couch, over Grandma's shoulder and on to the magazine she had picked up, which was called Grandmas and Puppies.  It was her favourite issue.

After a few minutes, Charlie turned Brian's bulb off, helped his Grandma with her coat and shoes, and soon enough they were out the door on their walk.  For now, Brian's bulb was out, but soon enough Grandma would be back to read more about Grandmas and Puppies and all kinds of interesting things.  Brian had a new life in the living room.  Now, if only he could do something about getting some hands.

And before he knew it, not 2 feet away from Brian, Clark the Clock looked down at his new neighbour.  He introduced himself to Brian, and as politely as any Clock could, he invited Brian to use his Clock hands any time he needed.  What a stroke of luck, thought Brian.  And what a nice Clock.  Brian said thank you and, in return, said that he would offer to brighten Clark's day any time he needed a little bit of light in his life.

The End.

Success

Final update on my 2015 New Years Resolution...

I did it!

A dreamy image of 2015

365.3 miles logged in 363 days!  I actually had to play catch up in December and ended up running over 65 miles this month alone.

Considering I was not a runner at all before I began the year, I think that I have learned quite a bit while going  through this task.  Here's what I've learned:

-  Running is fun.  Seriously.  I've had some great times running around the countryside, taking photos of sunsets and a whole lot of selfies.  I've mooed at cows as they cautiously move away from the sound of my approaching footsteps and the strange sounding noises coming from iPhone's play list.  My playlist this year included a steady diet of Purity Ring, Ryan Adams, Duplekita, Avett Brothers, Dave Bazan, and Death Cab.  Kind of a mellow runner.

-  Running isn't that hard.  The hard part is starting.  Literally 2 minutes after starting, it's easy to push on for a few miles.  The difficulty lies completely in the motivation and preparation.  If you are not motivated or prepared (running clothes tucked away instead of hanging where you can see them, GPS watch fully charged) then you will not succeed.

- Kind of assumed, but I feel better.  I had neck pain before I started running (I also have had a standing desk since the Spring) and that pain is gone.  I am never short of breath.  Also, I made it through the whole year without getting sick once.  Not even a sniffle!

-  This time last year, after a good month of eating holiday treats, I weighed 240 pounds.  This last week, on the same scale, I weighed in at 216.  Carrying 24 less pounds around is nice and is a huge factor in me feeling healthier.

-  I slacked off a few weeks here and there, but that was okay as long as I paid for it later.  Totally okay to slow down here and there and then work hard towards getting back on track.  Of course, this is not ideal and I will work to avoid playing catch up in the future.

-  I ate super healthy until September.  No fried food, no burgers for about 3 months there, tons of kale & fruit smoothies.  In this area, I slacked off again.  However... I no longer crave soda pop or things like that.  I hope that this will continue and will apply to other kinds of junk food that I still like to delve into a little too often.  Bottom line is that abstaining from certain things can be a lasting thing that feels good.  Not a punishment because, in the end, you lose the craving for it.

-  I can set a goal and actually complete it.  This is probably the most important thing about this accomplishment for me.  I set out to do a lot of things, and most of the time I don't follow through.  A year ago I said that people laugh at New Years Resolutions because nobody ever follows through with them.

Well, I did!

I set a reasonable goal and I did it.  You can, too!  Whatever it may be.  I challenge you to set a goal this new year and to chip away at it all the way through the year until you complete it!  Go for it!

For this coming year I have set a new goal.  Because I like running, and it makes me feel good, I will continue.

At the Run For Life 13.1 mile finish.  Time of 2 hrs. 8 minutes

My goal is to run 50 miles a month for the year 2016.  I set a monthly goal because weekly goals are really hard to make happen certain weeks for me and I have the flexibility to work toward the end of each month with this goal in mind.

This goal is not a huge jump from 30 a month, but it's just enough to challenge me to not slack off at any point this year.

Along with my 50 miles a month, I want to add 50 push ups a day, 5 days a week.  This will help me in all around strength and give my core strength to continue running further and faster.

I will run the Run for Life in Stony Plain again in the Fall, with a goal time of 1 hour 50 minutes for the half marathon.  I might sign up for another run in the Spring as well.

So, that's about it.  I will keep you posted as I go along.  Wish me luck in 2016 and good luck to you!