Here comes the Misery!

This year, the poorly thought out slogan of the Edmonton hockey club is "Here come the Oilers!"  Here they come, alright.  And there they go, straight down.  Down, down.

Pronger kissed this city goodbye and the good times fell asleep.  We wake up every few years to believe that the dream is over, only to see that it's a trick, and the nightmare, it seems, will never, ever end.  Freddie Kruger is real and he lives under your TV.

The team began the tumble down the mountain in 2006.  It rolled down, through FA pickups and the revolving door of gritty something or others.  Joffery Lupul, Peter Sykora, and Eric Cole came and went.  Sheldon Souray was not quite "Oiler" enough.  Dany Heatley just couldn't bring himself to do it.  The list goes on and on.  Band aids on a gushing hemorrhage.

The team rolled all the way down the mountain and passed through the Valley of the Shadow of Death down a dark hole.  And it just keeps on tumbling down into the depths of what just might be H.E. double hockey sticks.

The flames are hot.  The agony seemingly never ending.

Where are we?
What happened?
Game 5.   Pisani.

It truly seems like a dream.  That team had a kid on it named Hemsky, who is now the veteran that everyone is hoping will be traded away for... anything... anything but his no heart attitude.

Kevin Lowe is now a dirty word.  I wonder what he's thinking right now.  When your job is to develop a good hockey team, what goes through your mind when you have not done your job for 7 years?

Tambellini seemed like he was purposely trying to ruin this team into top draft picks.  He took great pride when his shining moment arrived every year for 3 years in a row.  He smiled his sweaty smile and announced to the world how proud he was to select Taylor Hall.  How much of an honour it was for him to select RNH.  How special it was to select the Russian.  What an amazing feeling it was to be the worst team in hockey for almost a decade.  The laughing stock of the league.

The jokes about the Oilers continued on for years until it got boring; boring and sad.  The Oilers have been so bad that making jokes about them seems to be insensitive.  Like joking around with a child, only to have that child unexpectedly cry.  

"Oops, sorry kid.  I didn't mean to make you cry.  Things will turn around.  You've got a good bunch of young players there.  Just stop crying, will ya'?"

Jeff Petry is useless.  He plays 25 minutes a night, but he also makes mistakes, so apparently he's useless.  Lets trade him away so our top pairing can be Ference and Belov.  Now there, my friends, is a pair of #1 guys.  Let's roll with them.  Roll down into Hell.  

"Good riddance, Jeff.  We don't have any other NHL defensemen to play top minutes, so it's your fault."

The Oilers are broken and battered.  It isn't so much that they are this low.  Reality sets in when we realize that we thought "rock bottom" was 3 years ago.  We have talent now, but the results are as bad, if not worse than before.  Have we hit the bottom yet?  Maybe not.

Maybe they'll sign 32 year old Hiller in the off season and re-up the blue line for one more go at it.  If Hiller doesn't work, MacT and the boys will probably scratch their heads and try again with someone with more experience or grit... some goalie with the magical ability to make the defence in front of him play much, much better.

This team, the 2013-2014 Edmonton Oilers will toe-drag/drop pass/coast/drown their way through the rest of their 30 games.  The management might keep things mildly interesting by trading a few people for a few other people.  How many goalies can they dress this year?

This year I paid for Satellite so that I could watch the Oilers.

Even though I swore that I wouldn't give the NHL a dime for a long, long time, I bought my kid a $40 Oiler jersey because he asked for one for Christmas.  My boy is 6.  He's still too young to realize that the Oilers have been horrible his entire life.  I would like him to get into loving hockey, but what kind of messed up message does the Oiler organization serve up to a kid his age?

At his school, the teachers tell the kids to wear their Oilers stuff the day after they win.  I am waiting for the morning where I have to tell Miles that they lost again and he starts crying because he wants to wear his jersey.

It's gone generational now, Oilers.  What can be done?  What can we do with this misery?

NHL

With the season officially saved, the NHL's next order of business is making some actual money for its players and owners. For the fans, we all sit and wait to see what we do in response to 112 days of "eff you, fans. We don't need you" from just about everybody involved. I predict they say a lot of kind words about the fans and nothing more. At Least that would be a step up from how they've been treating us for the last 3 months or so, which was when they pretended that we didn't exist. Like coworkers ignoring their boss, and their work, while arguing over how they're going to spend their salaries for the next decade.

I predict that we will see minimal reactions from fans, arena workers and media as well. People will talk about being mad, but after a few weeks we will all crawl back to the slop bucket for another taste of our addiction. We love hockey and, in the end, we don't really care too much about it loving us back.

So, like any other vice, if you want to do something about purging yourself from it, or at least minimizing your dependence on it, you must actually get up off of your couch and do something about it.

For me, I want to commit myself to not buying anything that gives money to the players and the owners. I'll be reasonable and try to keep this up for at least the entire shortened season. That means no ticket buying, no merchandise, and no special tv packages. Other than that, I can watch the games on tv and even head out to the fine establishments that show the games.

I know that this mini-protest isn't really that much of anything significant in the big scheme of things, but for me, it's a small step towards justice and what i would consider an important reminder to myself. Which would be that if these greedy people are going to stop playing hockey every 6 or 7 years to argue over billions of dollars, then at least they won't be arguing over anything I've given them.

Maybe the next time they decide to stop playing I can find something else to do and drop the whole hobby altogether and pick up something awesome, like curling.

The awesome thing, really, though it hurts to say, would be if I don't go to another NHL game for a good, long time.

It happened one night: Twitter and the Street Hawk Opener!

Today, we've got a couple of new things to discuss.

First of all, I have started to dip my big toe into Twitter.  The water is cold, but I think that I'll eventually get used to it.

My inspiration for signing up to Twitter was the NHL trade deadline day.  If you follow hockey as much as I do then you will know that this year's deadline day was boring to the extreme!  I think that there were a total of 15 trades during the 8 hours of live coverage on TSN.  What that means is that the panels and the reporters and everyone else talked about what might happen all day, and in the end, nothing really happened.  It was, by far, the most boring deadline day in a long time.

For me, the coverage started at 8pm.  So, you can imagine how happy I am that I went to bed at 1am.  At that point there had been 2 trades.  I spent 5 hours following blogs and Twitter and listening to people talk about all of the possibilities.  In the end, I got some sleep.  I woke up to discover that, if I had stayed awake all night, I would have found out that a bunch of boring teams traded a few boring players.  So, for this one night only, I defeated my hockey addiction!  Well, I guess I gave into it for 5 hours, but in the end, I was finally able to draw the line.


In case you missed it, my method for following along included following the blog of my favorite TSN anchor Jay Onrait.  Since there were no trades to speak of, Jay and the rest of us chatted about many things, including great 80's TV shows such as Air Wolf, Knight Rider, and The Littlest Hobo.  I included Street Hawk into the conversation, but got no response.   Here is the trailer for Street Hawk, as show that only lasted 13 episodes, but will last forever in my heart:







The only response I got the whole night was this:

It was nice to get a response, and funny enough, my little prediction turned out to be not that far off.  Jay sure is a funny fellow.  In fact, I am now following him on Twitter.

I'm not sure what my Twitter life will look like between now and the next trade deadline day, but I must admit that it is yet another quick and convenient way to get information.

So far, things look like this:

As you can see, I have yet to "Tweet", but somehow I do have 13 followers!  Who could they be?  Well...

All of my followers are Sexy Spam.  I am now curious to see how many Sexy Spam followers I can get before my first Tweet.  I really have no reason to Tweet, and they have no reason to follow me, so we will see just how long this lasts.

Thus, this me on Twitter.  I am @brettgitzel if you are interested and on there.  I don't even know which of my friends are on Twitter.  Also, I don't really know how to utilize it.  If you have any tips then let me know.

While on Twitter I came across this:

This Linsanity is pretty funny stuff, as I have mentioned before.  So, when I found out that he was getting his own ice cream flavour I thought it was just the next step in this Lincredible story.  Well, as it turns out, I am out of touch with all of the PC rules that have been set in place these days.  

I guess I just don't see what's wrong with making an ice cream withe fortune cookies and lychee in it to honor an American Born Taiwanese basketball player.  In fact, Jeremy was born in the San Francisco Bay Area, which also happens to be where the fortune cookie was introduced to America... by a Japanese guy, no less!  The point?

Well, people call Jeremy Lin a Chinese American, when in fact other people would just call him an American.  Further still, other people would argue that he is just Chinese, when in reality he would be said to have a Taiwan heritage, which as a lot of people know, has been the source of a long running "rightful owner" dispute between China and Taiwan.

I know a Taiwanese lady, who is married to an American, who got hassled at the American border because she wouldn't admit to being Chinese.  He said, "You can't fool me.  You're all Chinese."  Pretty crazy stuff.

Furthermore, most people associate fortune cookies with Chinese food, but Wikipedia seems pretty clear that this Japanese cook introduced them in his Benkyodo bakery over a hundred years ago.  

Obviously, it is difficult to say exactly who Jeremy Lin represents in the NBA.  Ask the billion people I live amongst and they will say he's Chinese.  The argument will never end.  The same could be said for the fortune cookie, but nobody seems to care about it as much.

In conclusion, a little bit of cookie mixed in with lychee swirls sounds delicious!

New NHL Season: The Good, the Bad, and the Coffey

Coffee and Coffey are both tasty and compelling

Top 10 things to look forward to:

1. the prospect of Peter Fosberg’s career being over… dead, buried, in the ground with fresh flowers laid across the gravestone.

2. 2008-2009 World Championship Yahoo! Fantasy Hockey League! (only 1 spot left!)

3. Patrice Bergeron back in action after almost a year. If you don’t remember, he got his head rammed into the boards. It was a dirty hit from a dirty player, a Philadelphia Flyer. Those guys were all over the ice last year; swinging sticks, slamming bodies from behind into the boards, whining, dishing out cheap shots. Not a pretty sight. Not really hockey at all.

4. Jarret Stoll suiting up for the LA Kings. This is interesting because Stoll is now a heck of a lot closer to his girlfriend, former wife of Rod Stewart! I am not kidding! Jarrett Stoll, 26, had been dating Rachel Hunter, 38, for about 2 years and in August they got engaged. Crazy!

"She is engaged. She's never been happier," said the rep, Mike Heller. "She has been with Jarret for a long time and everyone is thrilled for them. He was recently traded to the L.A. Kings, so it's a really exciting time in their life together. He is an amazing guy and she is an amazing girl – they're truly meant to be."

From small town Canada to LA and a superstar wife! Sound familiar? This is in the top 10 because it is really funny and, according to rep Mike Heller, Rachel Hunter has finally found the right 26 year old father for her 16 and 14 year old children. Go Jarret!

The life of a hockey player in California

5. 46 year old Chris Chelios suits up for his 25th NHL season. He first hit the ice with the Montreal Canadiens back in 1984, when I was 3 and a half years old! I don’t really like the guy that much, but he is the only player still around from the first days that I started watching hockey. A faint memory of him on the Canadiens seems to reside in my mind. When he’s done playing I will officially feel a lot older than I think I am now. I count down my life in hockey years.

6. When the season starts there will be less time for the temptation of looking at Eklund’s crappy hockey rumor blog.

7. Erik Cole is on the Oilers! I love this guy. Ever since he played in the finals with a broken neck I’ve loved him! He’s fast, strong, and likes to score goals. That’s pretty much what we want. My modest Erik Cole prediction: GP 79 G 32 A 38. Watch this move.

8. Something a friend of mine pointed out to me last season. Watching Pierre McGuire of TSN pronounce the names of NHL players, my friend noticed that he usually says the player’s full name. “Steven Staios”, “Daniel Heatley”, “Joseph Thornton”, “Christopher Pronger”. Actually, its quite a fun game to play and its quite refreshing after hearing so many annoying nick-names that fans seem to make up for every single player in the league. Go Pierre!

"Should I call you Sidney or Sidonio?"

9. Joni Pitkanen will wander around the ice for another team far away on the other side of the continent. I hope someone over there can help him figure some things out. Maybe he’s depressed.

10. The Oilers have a good team. There is a lot of depth in case of injuries and it seems like the playoff expectations are well deserved.

I can’t watch the games at all, but I can listen to them on the radio. This helps me to use my imagination. It’s always good to use your imagination, so that’s why this is the #1 thing to look forward to. Imaginations rule!


Top 10 Things to Avoid:

1. Avoid Swedes with green/clear eyes. The possibility that Peter Forsberg will return to play for the Flyers/Aves/Preds/ sometime around January or February makes me a little sick. A few shifts into his comeback and we’ll expect him to injure himself one last time. This, hopefully, will result in his retirement. The worst thing is that the media will talk about him before, during, and after all of the above happens.

2. Avoid the CBC. Though it does not affect me much at all, listening to the “hockey theme song” before games on TSN instead of CBC will break many hearts. Is it just me or does it seem that TSN is trying to monopolize the Canadian sports industry? It seems as though CBC is getting ready to die or something.

I have heard it said: “A TV station cannot live on re-runs of The Littlest Hobo and Road to Avonlea alone, but must be sustained by the traditions of pucks, toothless grins, and skates.” Wise words.





I hate to say it, but by now the Littlest Hobo is most certainly dead! Tomorrow's settling down came and went a long time ago. He had so many chances.





3. Avoid looking up Mike Comrie in People Magazine. He is reportedly still dating Hilary Duff. Some rumors even suggest that they are engaged. We Oiler fans remember all of the “interesting” controversy surrounding little Mikey. I find it funny that he continues to intrigue. She seems a little young for him. Isn’t she still on Disney? I guess not. Actually, good for Mike. I hope you grow a whole field of Comries.

4. Avoid Mats Sundin in your hockey pool, who, while I am writing this, is still “thinking” about his future. How long does it take for someone to figure out if they want to spend the rest of their life swinging a golf club or if they want to play professional hockey for one more year, while making a ridiculous amount of money?

“Make up your mind already! You are a great hockey player, but you don’t deserve all of this media attention. It is annoying to hear your agent say every couple of weeks that you are still “undecided”. You are hovering dangerously close to Forsberg territory. I am starting to not like you. Not as a hockey player but just for your decision making skills.”

UPDATE: after trashing the guy, I realized that he's on one of my fantasy teams!

5. Avoid Ryan Smyth. We must witness another awkward season with Ryan Smyth on the Colorado Avalanche. That was really awkward last season, wasn’t it? So awkward. If you see him at a party or some other function, walk to the other side of the room and sip your drink. You can stare back at him awkwardly, but don’t let him catch you doing it. Imagine if he did?! That would be awkward.

Sad, but also very awkward.

6. Stop thinking that Bertuzzi is finished. I don’t like the guy but he is a good hockey player and he makes less money than a lot of junk on a lot of other teams. I think he will light it up. This is not good for the Oilers, at all. My modest Bertuzzi prediction: GP 78 G 37 A 33. All that equals a pretty good deal for the Flames.

7. If they sell chicken wings at your hometown arena, you’re going to want to avoid them. They are too sticky and it is gross to imagine 10 000 fans with sticky chicken wing fingers. Yuck!

8. Avoid printing your own name on the back of your hometown jersey. Despite what you may think, the league will never have any players named “Gruggs” or “Horne” or “Platch”. If it ever does, it won’t be you!

9. Avoid wearing your home team’s jersey to anywhere but the game. Those jerseys are way too big for you to be taken seriously. I mean, they are meant to have a bunch of hockey equipment under them, not your thin, phuny, weak little body. They look too much like the nighties that women sometimes wear to bed. The only place that they actually look okay is on a professional hockey player’s body, or on a lot of people in one place. That place is the arena.

10. Avoid cheering for the Maple Leafs. They have a gazzilion dollars and with that they bought about 5 professional players and 18 minor leaguers pretending to be professionals, and some pucks. Probably nice pucks, but still.


And finally, Paul Coffey rules!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

I knew it would come to this.

As the cold air continues to choke the life out of another summer, I can’t help but get excited for the upcoming hockey season. Actually, the truth is, I’ve been taking looks at my favorite hockey websites (look to the left) every couple of days ever since the Red Wings hoisted the cup back in June. What was I looking for? What news did I expect to find? Not much, I guess. But every once in a while I found a tiny morsel or a small scrap of something lying on the floor of the hockey dining room. These sources of nutrients kept me alive all summer long, just barely, and now I can finally nurse myself back to health as the season is only a few weeks from dropping the puck on itself.

So, what to say? I live in China. Not much hockey going on over here. When I bring it up with the locals it usually takes a little bit of explaining for them to understand what I’m talking about. Hockey, in Chinese, is “Bing Qiu – 冰求”. The translation for that is “Ice Ball” so you know that, from the name, there is not much interest in the sport.

Yet every fall I actually set up a little bit of a schedule that allows me to listen to the Oiler games on the internet via 630 CHED radio station. I am very thankful for that. Live Oilers action at 7am with a cup of coffee and a few slices of toast is something one must get used to while living life over here.

Rumor has it that I might even be able to watch a few games this year. After openly criticizing TSN for quite a while (I wrote them a letter) I am actually quite thankful for them now. They have a Video on Demand section that enables people, like me, to watch entire CFL football games on the Internet. Though they aren’t live, it is often loaded only a few hours after the game ends. That is nice. I noticed an NHL section on there as well. I’m hoping that it will soon be full up with all kinds of hockey goodness.

Whenever I am needing to actually watch a hockey game and nothing is available on the internet, I always have my stash of Oiler games from “The Cup Run” on DVD. Thank you to my friend Phil for the DVDs!

Thus is my situation. Being one of the only Canadian men living in this city (there is another guy from Ontario, but he lets his son wear a Leafs jersey) I am usually left alone in a lot in my hockey conversations. The bulk of this void usually falls on my poor, yet understanding wife. The only other guys that can maintain a hockey conversation for more than 2 minutes are both from Texas and… well, you get the idea.

So, that is the background. Now I want to look into the future. What does it hold and how much of whatever it holds does it hold?

One of the answers to that is something called “fantasy sports”. Kind of sounds like a questionable activity, but I swear that it is actually quite respectable in some circles. The city in which I live, Xining, has a very large circle. To learn more about fantasy sports go here.

We stick to the basic food groups of fantasy sports: baseball and football. I follow along with the Americans. At first (3 years ago), I didn’t care much for either, but as the time went by baseball has actually turned out to be my favorite. Football is growing on me too.

But what about hockey?

Trying to find people for my fantasy hockey league is like trying to find some sort of ancient treasure. It’s a desert, nothing but sand and empty water canteens. One of the Texans signed up but that’s it.

Plan B? To search the free agent waters of facebook. So far, so good. It’s actually turning into quite a diverse league. People from Xining to California to Calgary to Edmonton to Montreal and all the way around to Eastern Europe. This league should be a lot of fun. 3 spots left. Let me know if you are interested.

On top of this league I am also apart of the Kateri Super League. This league is going into it’s 2nd season and things are looking really exciting there. Most of the teams in this league are either related to me or are related to or friends with the people that I’m related to.

So, if you were worried that Brett might be loosing interest in sports, fear not! Even though they may not be real sports, they are still real fantasy sports.

Stay tuned for the next hockey blog where I count down the top 10 things to look forward to and the bottom 10 things to avoid regarding the 08-09 NHL season.