Thursday, September 15, 2011

T-shirts, basketball, and NFL Predictions

They sure like their English here in China. Everywhere you look you will see people wearing t-shirts with English on them. Most of the time, the English doesn't make any sense. Here are a few that I have cataloged over the last few months:

"Sometimes I hate you."

"Bring back ma prime."


"Easy your life."

"Smart only ever had one good idea and it was stupid."

"I'm not easy but we can discuss it."
(An older lady was wearing this one. In any event, there was no discussion.)

I guess they kind of make sense. But, more so than in North America, the wearers of the shirts have no idea what their shirt is saying. Much like Americans getting Chinese tattoos.


It looks like the NBA is not going to happen this year. This is good for China, which looks to capitalize on the opportunity to sign more American players away from the league. Notable players who have already agreed to contracts are J.R. Smith and nobody else worth noting.

For me, the key to all of this is the CBA (Chinese Basketball Association). I have watched my fair share of this league on TV. Most of the teams have 1 or 2 import players already. The import players are usually big, slow American guys that weren't good enough for the NBA. There are never any flashy players in this league. The Chinese players are small, quick guys that can shoot and hustle on defense. So, basically, what you have with the CBA is a bunch of Chinese guys zipping up and down the court with a couple of big and slow import players trying to keep up. If there is ever a slam dunk in the game, the crowd usually makes one of those strange noises that signifies that most of them are unsure as to what has just happened and if it was legal and, if not, are they themselves going to be in trouble for it.

The crowd itself is much different over here. They all wear their black, brown, and grey jackets to the game. For the most part, they sit and politely applaud when a basket is achieved.

You're not going to see the speedo guy at the Dragons vs. Beijing Ducks game.

What I hope happens is that guys like J.R. Smith and whoever else plays there will inject some life into the crowd and get people excited about going to a sporting event. The Chinese love basketball and I think that they deserve some of the excitement that the world's best players can provide. It will be good for China.

On the other hand, what will happen to the NBA if they don't play this year? I, for one, am done with the NBA and all of it's marketing schemes. It's all about Lebron and I simply don't care enough to focus on him and perhaps the 3 or 4 other players they tout who apparently are much better basketball players than the 300 other players in the league.

The NBA seems to play the Lebron or Kobe card every time. How many points will Lebron score? Can Kobe win 10 Championships? Who cares? Do we ask the same questions about the Yankees? No, because nobody in their right mind would want to see the Yankees win another Championship... ever!

Well, I guess the one thing that the NBA has, much to their disappointment I would guess, is that Lebron and his buddies lost last year to a German guy. I think that stuff like that is good for the league and I just might keep one eye on things just to see stuff like that happen again. That is, if there even is an NBA this year.


And finally, the NFL season has kicked itself off!

I want to get you all excited for the season by offering you my top 18 moments of this year even before they happen. Are you ready?

1. Tom Brady throws for 500 yards in each of his first 3 games. In the forth game, someone in the opposing team's secondary holds up a giant mirror just as Tom is throwing a deep pass to Chad 85 and the ball goes through the mirror, back out where it came from and hits Tom in the groin. He misses 3 games due to the injury and the Patroits regroup by signing Doug Flutie, who in turn kicks the winning field goal the second week he is back.

2. Doug and Darren, The Flutie Brothers, will not reunite for one last show at this tailgate party.

3. Plaxico Burress leads the Jets in receiving yards. He goes out to the club to celebrate, but this time he is smart and puts his Glock 9 into the secured holster that is strapped to his leg.

4. The sports players of America agree to give this year's salaries to help pay off the national debt. I have no idea how much that would help, but I have a feeling that it wouldn't really help at all. But hey, thanks anyways, guys!

5. Randy Moss unretires and returns to the Patriots in time to demand a trade to the Raiders.

6. Mark Sanchez officially changes his name to Mark Seis.

7. Joe Flacco, QB of the Baltimore Ravens, takes time during his bye week to join forces with the Baltimore Police Department's Western District to help put Marlow behind bars for good.

8. Jared Allen takes up piano lessons.

9. At some point this season one of the players will order a Big Mac.

10. The Superbowl halftime show will be cut in half and broadcast at the end of the first quarter.

11. In order to curb amount of concussions caused by head shots, the league will require that all players strap a new device to their helmets. The new device is called the 'Con-cushion'. It is a big pillow that slides over the helmet and makes everyone look safe and, if you can believe it, even more sissy looking than Rugby players.

12. Not sure where it came from but happy it's around, players all around the league partake in the new trend of making a nice jello mold for their teammates and coaches. It isn't until week 4 that players realize that you can also put tiny marshmallows in the mold, and that the best time to do that is before you put it in the refrigerator.

13. Rex Ryan's brother Rob gets a haircut and is immediately fired by the Cowboys when they realize that he was actually just Rex all along. Meanwhile, the Jets sign their real coach,Rob, to a contract extension when he decides to grow his hair out and speed up the process with hair extensions. Extension is the key to this one.

14. Sebastian Janikowski kicks a football 'clear over those mountains'.

15. The Steelers start 0-5 and turn to other ways of making a living, most notably, stealing.

16. Someone in your fantasy league who is not paying attention all year long will end up winning the whole thing.

17. Lady Gaga will sing the national anthem at the Superbowl while sitting in a bowl of ground beef but nobody cares abo...

18. The New York Jets will win the Superbowl exactly 10 years before they select Boomer's son Gunnar Esiason in the first round of the draft. Gunnar plays half a season and then decides to pursue a career in broadcasting instead. 2 seasons later he is discovered and starts his late bloomer modeling career at the age of 26. 10 years later, on the 25th anniversary of this year's Superbowl, Gunnar announces that his new clothing line, Gunna, will be available at all Target Stores excluding locations in Canada.

Amazingly enough, 5 years later, Mark Seis is seen wearing one of the brand's t-shirts while strolling in downtown New York. It is believed that a witness claims that Mark's Superbowl ring's colors and design go so well together with the t-shirt that they could have almost been made for each other. Later on, when the media tracks down Mark for a comment, all he does is smile. Though, the joke was on him, for when he smiled he revealed a golden cap on one of his teeth. The color and the design of the tooth testified to the reliability of the witness and the rest, as they say, is history.

1 comment:

Lois said...

I STILL think you should write a column for The Reporter! You're inspiring, informative and entertaining! xo Mom