Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I wonder what things would be like if...

Instead of last week, Bob Dylan played Beijing for the first time in 1967?

Smoking cigarettes in the elevator made you smarter.

The Coen brothers directed The Matrix.

Women in politics didn't wear suits, but nice dresses instead.

Your need to obey traffic laws was inversely proportionate to how expensive your car was when you bought it.

Pixar/Disney outlawed the use of the Scottish accent in their movies for the next 500 years.

Instead of a social network, Facebook was actually a nice pair of socks. You could still sign up for free, and every once in a while you would have to stitch an advertisement in the ankle of the left one.

Instead of rock bands, teenagers were into forming small orchestras in their garages.

Capitalism wasn't so enticing.

Old, fundamental, traditional church goers loved to dance and play rock and roll.

Lost wasn't a TV show but a situation.

As the internet got better, video players would be quicker and clearer to use, regardless of how fast your connection was.

Instead of jogging, people just had a 20 minute cry, with their energy drink and their iPod strapped to their pants.

Not one single person had a long term memory.

Writing did not exist.

Instead of 2 brothers I grew up with 2 sisters.

Instead of drinking 8 cups of water, we had to run 8 piles of dirt through our fingers every day.

Instead of hugs, we gave people little packets of ketchup. We'd all need purses to carry all of that ketchup. Though some people wouldn't need to carry any at all.

Left handed people were considered equals.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, had a secret handshake.

All elderly people liked to be tickled under their chins.

Babies grew beards.

Instead of a ball, football players kicked around an actual foot.

Instead of depression, constant rain made people extremely happy.

Instead of saying 'thank you', it would be considered appropriate to scream an octave higher than you would normally feel comfortable doing.

Grey was the most colorful color.

Picking your nose was a pick up move at your local bar.

Falling came before the pride.

Your rich uncle was my rich uncle.

You searched through the baby name book and you've settled on 'Mildew', and it works for either a boy or a girl.

Humming skills were equal with cooking skills.

If a protest was an actual test that you took. If you passed, you would be a 'pro'.

Instead of people protesting at a gay person's funeral, they were actually just selling hot dogs to the people across the street who were walking around completely unconnected to the protesters and the funeral itself. It was just a nice day.

Instead of recruiting people to go fight in the Middle East, the Government recruited people for a nation wide bake off!

Fred Savage and Keanu Reaves' careers traded places.

Euthanasia was actually youth in Asia. People would wonder what the controversy was all about.

My house had a fridge in every room, and in those fridges were different kinds of ice cream to eat and friends to hang out with.

Instead of riding horses, John Wayne and Clint Eastwood rode around on Alligators.

Instead of thinking outside the box, we'd strive to get outside of it and then run around warning others about the box.

Instead of giving a man on the street a dollar, we instead gave the man on the street a minute of our time.

Instead of just in football games, 'butt pats' were a completely heterosexual way of greeting your friends.

The coolest trend amongst kids between the ages of 10 and 15 years old was Snakes and Ladders. In fact, this summer, they would make a 3D movie of it. It would be called "Snakes and Ladders: the journey to the top 3D"

Hmmmm.

3 comments:

josh jenny forest soleil said...

hi friend...well...your blog continues to be an extremely entertaining and amusing part of my day...keep it up! your loyal reader, jenny.
ps. hey remember when you were the 'price is right' host at the youth centre...funny funny funny you are funny.

Brett Gee 英 明 said...

Hey Jenny!

Thanks for reading. I like that there are little hidden people that let me know that they keep up with this thing.

I do remember that day. Also, building the big wheel out of a bunch of scrap wood. What a weird life this is; so many twists and turns.

Blessings to you guys and little Forest and Soleil. Actually, does Forest still write movies? If so, I'd like to read them.

Lois said...

THIS is SO HILARIOUS!! And, I'm not just saying that because I'm your Mom!!
xo
Your Mom