The Christian Habit of Self-Deprecation

 A few months ago while I was visiting a friends’ church the pastor led off his sermon with a prayer prefaced with the phrase “may I fade into the background”.   You’ve probably heard something like that before.  Though his intention was likely just a simple request for humility, what I am questioning is who did this pastor expect to benefit from his request to become insignificant?  I’m wondering why we have to smear ourselves so deep down into the dirt all of the time.     Why are we so polite when it comes to working with God?  Why are we so afraid to, dare I say, take a little bit of the credit? 

Perhaps we think it’s a necessary thing.  Our churches are bigger, brighter, with more “entertainment value” than ever before.  Maybe we think that we need our self-flagellation to clarify things.  Maybe we want to make sure that the people in the seats know that behind the big, bright show, God is at work. 

It could also be possible that we’re just being polite.  There’s great value in meekness, but perhaps we take it too far when, for example, a friend acknowledges our deeds with the compliment of “good work” and we respond by saying “really, it was all God”, as if we had nothing to do with it at all.

As the Church, we love to squish ourselves low while we’re lifting Him up.  This can happen to us during worship services.  We start singing along, and by the end of the song we can feel horrible about ourselves.  And why shouldn’t we?  We sing about “having nothing to lay at his feet”.  We wonder how “ He could be mindful of us” while proclaiming that His glory is nothing that we deserve.  If worshipping God is to commune and give praise to him, how can we do that when we can’t get over how awful we are? 

I don’t know how many times have I heard the sermon about how all of our deeds are like filthy rags compared to God.  Some pastors like to dig out the historical and literal interpretation of “filthy rags”.  You can look it up if you’d like.  It’s not very pleasant, but we sure do like to remind each other of it.  Again, what benefit is there in telling ourselves that, compared to the creator of the universe, we really aren’t all that much?  No wonder so many Christians suffer from depression. 

To be constantly reminded that you don’t measure up are not words of encouragement and edification, but more like the words of an abusive parent.  If my son keeps reminding himself, and everyone around him, that his dad is so much better than him I would have to take him aside to have a good chat.  These comparisons miss the whole point of our relationship.  I would remind him of what he already knows.  He knows that I’m his dad and that I love him.  I love playing soccer with him and building Lego with him.  He knows that I am overjoyed when I see him happy in the middle of an ordinary day.  His smile is a mood changer for me.  So, for him to walk around exclaiming his uselessness as a way of giving me honor would be as silly as it sounds.  

We go to church to get away from this stuff, not to be fed with it.  The world outside is often a measuring stick telling us that we’re not good enough, that we’re not smart enough, and basically that we a just plain not enough.  We need The Church to be a sanctuary from all of this negativity.  With God, our deeds are the deeds of beautiful feet and of the hands of God himself.  The body needs to proclaim this in order to build itself up.

With Jonas at the climbing wall

Here we are, loved by the very definition of the word.  We are loved by God, who thinks so highly of us that he took on skin and bones to tell us about it.  He wants us to know that he’s not only okay with us, but that he’s completely enamoured with us.  Talk about a crazy one, this God fellow, isn’t He?  And here we are, telling each other that we’re not as good as Him.  We sure are weird.

Is God up there pacing back and forth waiting for us to feed his ego?  Does He crave our self-deprecation as praise?  Absolutely not.  In fact, He talks a lot about a new covenant in which our sins and our stains will be remembered no more. (Hebrews 8 :12)  Can we believe that kind of talk?  That He’s forgotten about how awful we are?  That He might even be proud of us?

I must clarify that I agree that humility is highly virtuous.  God has saved us from death.  He deserves all of the glory He’s due.  Humility is walking in that knowledge.  Yet, the bible talks about how if we humble ourselves, God will lift us up.  Lift us up to what?  Well, I like to think that when we give God glory, the part of it that He really savours is when He sees us seeing value in ourselves.

In John 14:12 Jesus talks about the works of His Father.  He tells his friends that he is all about the work of his Father, and that everything he does is within that relationship.  Jesus loves to talk about his Father.  He loves to talk about the work they had been doing together on earth.  It’s a beautiful reminder of how relational God is.  The punch in the gut is when he tells his disciples that they will do “greater works than these”.  Wow!  That’s a few levels up on that whole “filthy rags” business now, isn’t it?  Is it too much to say that the way He feels about his Father is the same way he feels about us?  Can we believe that we will do greater things than God?

The words of Jesus in John 12 have a lot to do with God’s passion for unity and relationship.  God really doesn’t do a whole lot on his own.  In fact, I would go so far as to say that God does nothing on his own.  God is a community.  When the Earth was created, the Father, Son and Spirit were there, working things out together in perfect unity.  It has been that way since the beginning.  And for us, there’s always been an open invitation to join in.  We need not fade into the background when we can step forward and take part in things.

Think of what you did today.  Would it have gotten done without you?  Think of the good things in your life and the time and effort you put into them to help them grow.  Does the pastor’s sermon get written when he “fades into the background”?    

We need to get away from saying that God is “using” us.  If someone is abused, they say that they were “used” by someone, or that someone “had their way” with them.  It’s strange that we use the same words to talk about how God works with us.  We can do better than that.  We are His children, His friends, and His partners in making this world a better place.

If we look at ourselves as just the tools or the mediums through which God can achieve his will, then we are proclaiming a faint shadow of who our God really is.  God works with us and alongside us, and our personalities and creativities weave with his character.  The fact that God set things up this way is itself a testament to his goodness and glory.  We proclaim this when we are brave enough to walk along side him. 

We need to remind ourselves more of what God thinks of us and less about what we think God thinks of us.  Often times, they are two very different things.

The season of Sleeping At Last

This past week has been beautiful.  I can't remember better weather for a whole week like this.  I think that for 3 days there, there literally wasn't a cloud in the sky.  Unbelievable.  What a nice week in Alberta.

Today was a nice day too, but the Autumn season has it's way of crawling in.  On the drive home we could see the colours on the trees beginning to fade.  On the edge of the road lay huddles of leaves, swishing and swaying.  The early birds.  Their friends will join them soon.

I love the changing of the seasons.  Alberta is a great place to be for all 4 of them.  I splashed in the water with my family on the Pembina river today, and I know that I could be shovelling a pile of snow in a week or two.  Come what may.

Like a lot of people, I look at my life as a series of seasons.  We just got through an amazing one that lasted 7 years in China.  Looking back, it all seems like it never happened.  It's a blur in my mind that comes into focus from time to time.  We enjoyed our time there, but I would say that we left at just the right time.  The leaves were falling and we knew that it was time to change seasons.

In that time, which spans well back into early 2012 up until this very evening, I have had the pleasure of enjoying some great "transition music".  The soundtrack of this season of Brett has been the music of Sleeping At Last.

Sleeping At Last is Ryan O'Neal.  He writes beautiful music and then he sings it and I listen to it.  That's how it works.

The man is a creative that seems to do things his own way for the sake of creating beauty.  In the past has has released a ton of music that is available here.  A few years ago he released 3 new songs every month for the entire year.  It is called Yearbook.  Get it.  Get it now!

This year his project is called Atlas.  He's been periodically been releasing EPs since January.  Once again, go to his site and check it out.  You sign up for the music, he makes it,  then he sends it to you.  It's a great deal considering the large amount of insane music you are getting.

The other day, when Ryan's Space1 was released, I realized that I have been listening to his stuff almost every time I listen to music, and that's been going on since we arrived back in Canada in November after moving back from China.

Barbara's dad was dying of cancer.  It was nearing the Christmas season and I listened to the song Snow over and over again when no one was looking.  Some people get annoyed when you listen to the same song over and over again.  Ron passed away just before Christmas and that song will always remind me of him.

And I would listen to the song Emphasis to make me feel sad.  It was a sad time and I wanted to feel sad.  This song helped me get there.  Sometimes feeling sad is the thing you need to feel.  I am thankful for it.

The words.  The words of his songs are fresh and pure.  They catch you in your current state and stop you for a bit.

Even after everything we've seen, we've barely caught a glimpse of what it means.  In the architecture of the soul, the universe began with our eyes closed.

We live and we die, like fireworks we pull apart the dark.  Compete against the stars with all of our hearts.  'Til our temporary brilliance turns to ash, we pull apart the dark while we can.

With golden strings our universe was clothed with light.  Pulling at the seams, our once barren world now brims with life.

I guess space and time, takes violent things, angry things and makes them kind.

The sweetest thing I ever heard is that I don't have to have the answers, just a little light to call my own.  Though it pales in comparison to the overarching shadows, a speak of light can reignite the sun and swallow darkness whole.

With all of tough things the last year has scarred us with, there is a lot of hope in it all as well.  I am thankful for these songs and the words that help bring healing and clarity to the fuzz and noise.  I recommend that many, many people should go out and get this music.  Put your headphones on and take it in.  It's good for broken hearts, hearts moving into new seasons and ones that are trying to make sense of the old.

Listen to the Christmas album in December and every other month for that matter.

Let's face it, summer is over.  Sweep it away and move into Autumn with hope, patience, love, and all of that good stuff.  Oh!  And go get some Sleeping at Last  to help you through.

And God Said, "Billy" a review of Frank Schaeffer's new novel

Though I am usually a slower reader, I quickly flew through this book in less than a week. The pace of Billy's journey through life kept me glued to my tiny iPhone screen whenever I had the chance.

I would say that there are a lot of funny moments. I did not expect this book to be as funny as it was, but I noticed that I laughed aloud quite a few times, often stopping to give my wife an explanation for my outburst. Though I would usually fail with my explanation and end up just wanting to say, "You'll just have to read it yourself".

Billy goes through quite a bit. I would say that Frank Schaeffer does a great job of giving the reader a relatable character, even though there isn't always a lot to relate to, if that makes sense.  To me, is is just very, very familiar.

In fact, I think that there is a little bit of Billy in everyone, and I saw myself more than a few times in this book. As time went on, and as Billy's made up structures of his relationship with God began to crumble, I started to see a real, genuine attempt at making a connection. Billy was mad at God, especially at the times when he wasn't sure if he was even there. He struggled to build up a new system that would make him feel secure, which didn't work either. Challenged by numerous obstacles, Billy's faith churned and boiled over again and again. He became unsettled and it really bothered him. The voices in his head didn't make sense anymore.

In the film production (which itself was full of hilarious characters I hope to see on film some day), Billy continued to struggle with survival. Determined to succeed, Billy pressed forward and was eventually freed from his "Calling" by the whole situation with Vandermeer and the Monk.  

I must say that I loved the Vandermeer character.  Very interesting, intense, and rich character.  Wow!

Billy found healing in the monastery. His character grew throughout the book, and the monks helped give him peace in his new self. His trials exposed his seemingly solid rock faith for what it really was; something like a habit of religion. The monks spoke into his life through stories, and telling Billy of the traditions of their way.  It's refreshing to read through this time of healing for Billy.  Through his time there, Billy became a real person.

Anyways, not much of a reviewer, but I recommend this book to anyone who enjoys the humour of intense fundamental evangelicalism.  At times, it really needs to be laughed at.  I laughed a lot in this book. 

I also teared up at one point, from the story of the two boys bullying the other boy in school. The Headmaster of the school is such a great model of love. Very touching.

A great read. Read it and tell me what you think.